It seems to be on everyone's lips today: educators, mindfulness speakers, reporters, authors, and more. As Tara Brach observed, today's commentary on resilience is not your father's "if you fall off the horse - get back up". But rather it is a close examination by researchers, authors, and bloggers like me to ask - what is this quality that leads some to thrive after setbacks; and others (without it) to seem to curl up and wilt like a plant left in the shade? Call it resilience, grit, flexibility, fortitude, or mettle - we all have our way of testing this in ourselves. Whether it's signing up for a triathlon, staying up past midnight to get those bills in on time, or deciding to finally pursue that degree no one ever told you were capable of - we all know when we have it - and when we don't. What Navy Seal Eric Greitens posits in his book titled, "Resilience" (an account of his letters to a veteran Navy Seal grappling with PTSD) is that resilience is not only a quality but a virtue, and like any other virtue, can be practiced, improved, and perfected through the use of certain tenets. His premise that what often victims of PTSD or other trauma victims need is a challenge and not a victim-mentality, resounds with appealing logic. His reasoning follows that often what people lack after tragedy or loss is purpose - a person to love, a child to care for, a mission to accomplish (for a soldier), or simply any reason at all to get out of bed. Purpose and challenge, when appropriately discovered and pursued in incremental and increasing amounts over time; can lead to a renewed sense of self, and raison d'être that might have not existed before the setback. As I tell students, sometimes when we break in a certain place, we scar. We are not the same, but we can be stronger in the place where we broke, just like our bodies after injury. Now I've heard that some buddhist monks pray for suffering enough so that they will receive grace. And I guess that's one way to go about it. But usually I have the attitude of acclaimed author, psychologist and meditation teacher, Tara Brach about these inevitable FGOs (f*#$ing growth opportunities) - I bargain with God, I wish them away, and I resist as much as any one else would. However, if looking back grants us the wisdom that can only come from hindsight; I have to admit that each adversity I have faced has granted me a unique gift - humility, grace, empathy, compassion, and of course resiliency. If resiliency is a virtue, then how do we practice it? I would suggest the advice of Admiral William McRaven, "If you want to change the world, start off by making your bed...." as he proposes in his 6-minute viral video available here. It seems to be the "first" thing you do that is the hardest - the first day without cigarettes, or flossing the first tooth, or putting on your gym shoes, or like he says, making the bed. So much of resiliency after trauma can be around basic functioning - keeping up with basic hygiene, not letting the laundry go until you have no clean clothes, getting to sleep at a reasonable hour. But if you have a reason to get up in the morning - a mission, a goal, a job interview, or a to-do list for the day - that is a great start. Eric Greitens gives many examples from literature, philosophy, history, and his own experiences to paint a rich picture of what resilience may look like, how it is cultivated, and how to practice it (meditation, prayer, journaling, therapy, AA, exercise, work, family, etc.) but he insists on first finding your reason for getting out of bed in the morning first, and practicing putting one foot in front of the other; building each day's activities more and more until you have a purpose-driven life. Because after all resilience is nothing else if not persistence despite setbacks. So whatever that looks like in your life or expression of being - practice it diligently in the pursuit of excellence and you will live as the great philosophers, soldiers, and artists lived - a life guided by hard-won wisdom.
1 Comment
LC
10/26/2017 07:38:33 pm
I started writing a response but found myself getting lecture-y. I have a lot of ideas and apparently a lot of strong thoughts. We can chat the next time we get together. 😉
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AuthorBetty Lynn is an writer, educator, artist, illustrator and yoga teacher living in the suburbs of New York City. Archives
October 2019
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